This is a soothing balm designed to help those who feel they lack unconditional love from others. Like me, you can grow to appreciate who you really are, and move on with your life. Raising your own self-esteem to newer levels will allow you to reclaim your personal values. If you do, you will establish new feelings which justify that you have a right to be here. Why am I writing this article? To help anyone who may be feeling low in self-esteem. Mental Health is an important issue nowadays.
I am a grown man who has been mercilessly punished by my three younger brothers for decades. The reason? Because I’m different. They have repeatedly told me that I am not a good person, and that I have failed everyone in my family. “You embarrass us because you speak to strangers.” Was one of their claims. “You can’t live without a partner in your life. We don’t need someone else in our life. You’re not like us!” Is another. “What? You write poems to your wife? What are you, a faggot?” Had been another…
It would appear that, to some, the image of a ‘real man’ is a male who doesn’t have a manicure. Yells at his wife at every opportunity, like one of my brothers does. Calls her every bad name under the sun, in public. I’ve seen it, he is relentless. When someone asks a ‘real man’ for an opinion you are meant to just nod and pretend you go along with it, but then criticize the hell out of that person the moment they turn their back. Rather than state your opinion in a constructive manner. What has happened to our debating skills in this millennium, anyway?
I am the eldest of four boys. Same parents and same traditional culture. You would think that those younger than me would be thinking in more ‘modern’ ways. But they don’t. Although they think that their ethos is the most correct, I personally find it to be antiquated. I remember once sitting at a café and there were five of us. One of my brothers had just been married so his young wife was sitting with us. After the waitress took our order and walked away the comments started flying around the table. They sounded like this, “Wow, did you see the tits on her?” said one. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind slumping her over this table.” Remarked the married one. “How can you say things like that with your wife sitting right next to you?” I asked. “That’ll be right, another sermon from the great philosopher of life! What would you know? No-one wants to hear your opinion.” Was his rebuke.
This made me feel worthless and as if I did not belong. Like I had done something wrong. Some may see it as a form of bullying but I can tell you that it really puts chinks in your armour if you don’t change things. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Ever since then I have been on the outer. Even when our dad died the three sat together and ignored me. I mean, you would think that at a funeral some things would be smoothed out a little. But they were not. The feelings of inadequacy continue because they must punish because of who I am. I am different, first and final. I now feel good about me. I am comfortable in my own skin and clearly understand why others lash out like that.
Let’s jump right into it! The best thing you can do, as I found out, is to sit on your own in a quiet space with a pen and paper. Now, think of the things which make up your attributes. Try answering the question of ‘Who am I?’ by listing your skills, talents, past achievements, dreams and desires. It is not so much about material possession, but it is more about your own personal qualities. The stuff you can’t put in a bottle or measure. Once listed, re-read them. Ask yourself this, ‘Do I need anyone to keep these qualities in me?’ And see what happens. For a start, you will suddenly realize that sometimes people do lash out at you, ignore you, or disrespect you because they cannot be like you. They truly don’t understand you. So, who owns the problem? That’s right – they do! I hope that this message will help others who may be feeling on the outer, and who feel alone that much… that it is affecting their mental health.
I no longer worry about what my brothers say to me, or about me, or think of me. But I do offer you this, You have a right to be here!